5 years on.

I don't even know why i decided to start using this again.
I guess noone would lurk this anymore seeing it has been years since i last posted. And I'm glad to have somewhere to think out loud.
Being a single mother and working 30 hours a week doesn't leave a lot of time for me to think or talk except for late at night when I'm in bed.
Reading back over all the old posts in this blog is seriously depressing but uplifting.
Its horrible to read over how depressed and lost i was at 17/18.
To think of my life now and the way I have turned it around is uplifting.

Taking myself back to being 17 years old, living in this town not working spending all day siting at home with no one to spend time with so i spent all day on the internet drinking and smoking, living my life for the next boy i could fall head over heals for, re reading things that were said about me. At 17 i was barely a human, so young and naive, the way that i lived my life was so sad.

Now at 22, 5 years have passed, I rarely drink, my best friends of then are still my bestfriends now (with the exception on a few) I work hard to provide a life for myself and my son. I have been with the same company for 3 years in January, I have a beautiful Son who is 15 months old, I own a car, I rent a home and own its contents, Its a far cry from the lost 17year old who was having an incredibly hard time figuring herself out. I still have the same shitty issues with men (I feel that these will follow me for the rest of my life) I still make some bad decisions, But i am contented. I am happy with the life i have built for myself (back in wollongong again after vowing i would never return)I am happy with the life i am building for my son.

I took a big step last week, I applied to return to study and become and enrolled nurse. It would mean i didnt have the ability to ear as much for the next to years but it also is a pathway for me to enter university when Henry is in Primary school. And Give me the ability ot better provide for my family in the long term. I have always wanted to do something more with my life then work in retail, and i am taking steps to make it happen ( It also means moving home to canberra, ((Which i am not dissapointed about at all )) )

At 17 I always wanted to be more, To do more.

I Thought a bottle of wine and a good man would make my life a million times better

Turns out it does but not in the way i expected (and good men go rotten after a while)

Now I am 22, I am more then what 17 year old me could have ever imagined.

I am proud of myself and the adult i have become. I am happy to have the people in my life I do, and I am infinitely proud of my son and the tiny human he is becoming.

Without being a fuck up at 17 i could have never turned my life into what it is now Which is by no means perfect but is close enough for me.