Everything Elses Seems Like Second Best.

I have posted a lot about wanting to better myself in the time i have been using this and the below is no different.
Its all the same stuff i have already said over again.

12 months ago I was in a relationship with someone that was making my life horrible. I ended it about 10 months and since i had the courage to say i wasn't happy and end it i feel like i have been making positive improvements. I ended last year unhappy with myself and the position i was in, I had been working exceptionally hard for 3 years in a job that i no longer enjoyed and that consistently looked me over for promotions. I was living in a town where i felt i could never progress so i made a very hard decision to move away from my family, my support network, my very best friend and my comfort zone and headed to the ACT. I felt that it was time to move my son closer to his father and grandparents, and it was time for me to try to better my own position. Living in Wollongong was incredibly lonely and although i have some amazing friends nearby in Sydney i felt i needed to be somewhere with more familiar faces.

Moving to Canberra hasn't been a wholly positing experience for me. I am still incredibly lonely. I moved here with no house and only job security. Canberra is a whole lot more expensive living wise so i realised pretty quick if i wanted to find a house here i would need to get a new job. Which I did. In one day i doubled my income and put myself in a much more stable position. I was also lucky enough to be able to stay in the house i was living in temporarily because a good friend of mine decided to change her life to better mine. My relationship with Henrys father deteriorated rapidly to the point we can't even be in the same room anymore. 2 of my best friends moved not long after me getting here and I miss them terribly. Not having Henry around every day has been incredibly hard for me and some days i just sit and think if moving back here was the worst decision i have ever made.

I am happy with my new job. I am happy to be in a better financial situation. I am happy to be living in an amazing house with 2 other amazing ladies.

The thing that has made me most happy through this ordeal has been a person i wouldn't have had the opportunity of getting to know if i didn't move. If i didn't move to Canberra I never would have went to see him play that night. I never would have walked in halfway through his first song and had him flash me the biggest goofiest smile that made my heart skip. I never would have been able to talk him into staying the night and getting absolutely wasted and kissing me. I wouldn't have been able to fly to Melbourne 2 weeks later to see him because i couldn't get him out of my mind. This person is unlike anyone i have ever met before. His mind works in way i just want to understand but know i never will. I have no idea how this even came about but i am just so happy to have met him and made an amazing friend. In the last 2.5 months i have spent almost every spare weekend i have traveling interstate just to be around him. Because he is the kind of guy you don't want to be without.


Our relationship is going nowhere and can go nowhere because of a million reason and that absolutely devastates me but it wont stop me from giving my everything to make the most out of it when i can. Before he realises i am actually the messed up one that needs to be steered clear of and not the other way around.


Moving here was the best and worst thing i have ever done there have been alot of positives in coming here but i feel like my mental health has been the thing that suffered most. Just when i start to get it together it all falls apart again.

Maybe things will change but for now i stay forever the optimist and the hopeless romantic i have ever been.